Grounded?!

So basically, I'm in deep shit because I was on the phone last night talking to Ryan around 2AM. My mother is a fucking ninja& just attacked my door& asked me who am I talking to. Long story short; she said that I can't go anywhere anymore& that I have to give her my phone every night. Goshhhhh, this is so frustrating.

She's treating me like crap. I mean I can take care of myself. Why do you have to restrain me from doing stuff that I want to do?! I go to work just to make her happy, so I don't have to hear her yapping her mouth off about how unproductive I am at home. My solution: go to work so I don't have to hear it. Gosh, it's freakn Summer for geeezus's sakes. Why can't I just relax before a hectic academic year ahead of me? Something I'm scared of, terribly. My parents are so unsupportive. All they care about are the brighter children out of the seven of us. Ask Carol& Jamie more questions about school than me. I would say favoritism. Why can't you ask me the same questions you ask them?! Why do you have to treat me like I'm not good enough for you, like I don't make you proud. Only if you knew, I really try my hardest just to make you guys proud. I cry about stupid stuff because I know you would look down upon me. Like you have given up on me. That is my biggest fear ever. Always saying, why can't you try harder? Little do you know, I am trying my hardest. Really. I just want you guys to be happy with what I do & to support me. I don't want you to put me down. Why would I want that?! I put myself down enough. I lack confidence in myself, and you telling me these kind of negative things do not help me, in anyway at all. Why do you have to go my Aunt's house from 10PM-2AM & talk about random stuff which includes me. They said I don't do crap at the store& that I don't eat the food they get. Aunt said that I shouldn't waste food& eat what I see. Puhleaaase, just today, she told her son to go buy whatever he wants since he doesn't wna eat what he saw. How freakn gay is that?! That isn't fair. I do a lot more than what you guys do! You guys always tell me to get this& that. You know what?! I do get what you guys tell me to get. I do what you say. Basically, I am your little bitch for the day. What more do you want! Complain about what work I haven't done? Please Aunt, you're the one who leaves for more than half the day doing whatever you do.What lies ahead for my Summer? Workworkwork. Work just to please people, and not myself. The only thing worth working for is to get away from my home& the money that comes with it. I thought I would work hard enough & just for one day, play. I guess not because you don't want me to have fun. I'm just a kid. You just want me to feel how it is to work for money. I know, I know. You've told me all of this before. It's not like I need to hear it again since I hear it from everyone else in the family. Please calm your asses down.

Sometimes when my family is unreasonable, it makes me so relieved that I am going to live in another city in a couple of months. Just to get away from such problems that shouldn't even be there in the first place will be a good thing. All I have to worry about when I'm off at UCSD is myself. I don't have to worry about anyone else but me. For once, I will take care of myself, by myself. I will become independent. When my family puts me down, I want to just leave. I can't wait to go to school in the Fall. In deep thought, sometimes I say to myself, maybe I don't wna go back home; since everything is so chaotic at home. I just wna stay there. Parents always make such big deals out of small stuff. Why do you guys have to go crazy& tell everyone what I do?! It's not even their business. I know how Asians work. Gosssip nonstop. You guys can talk forever.

Sometimes, I just want to be isolated from everyone. "Loner moments." I want it sometimes. Seriously. This week fucking sucks. Hands down, one of the worse week I've ever had.

San Diego. It's where I'm going to live for what, four years? Not consistently though. I can't believe I'm going to live somewhere so far. 02 hours away. It'll be so so so different. Being surrounded with an environment I don't recognize. College life is smacking me right in the face. I can't believe this is going to happen .. in such a short time.

Summer's almost over.
Have you realized it yet? I have.
I'm not getting anything done. I want to go places.
I miss my friends, mucho.

I just want to have some fun.
It's all I'm asking for& you guys won't give it to me. You guys want me to be disciplined. I'm not cut out for it.

Right about now, I fucking hate my fucking life. Shoot me. I want to fucking cry.

I want to get awaaay.

Wow, one of my serious post, ever.
Don't comment.
I don't want to hear anything about what I've said.
Please.