Looking in the oval shaped mirror hanging over a plain but simple white wall, there was a girl who was dressed in graduation attire staring deeply into the mirror with such concentrated eyes that pondered what was going to happen after today. I was in a red cap and gown, all giddy, but uncertain about life after this milestone. I didn’t even care to bother to wonder as to why I’m in graduation attire when I left it all behind two years ago.
Earlier in the day, I was walking around your house. I roamed around looking for something to do, pieces to grab for my big day, making sure I didn’t forget anything. However it didn’t disturbed me that I was at your house, especially through the harsh times. The thing is, I was fine. Usually being around your presence gives me this uneasiness that aggravates me so much, but this time it didn’t. I guess it somehow just subsided unconsciously and I’m glad that it has. Must have shown that as times passes, you overcome such big obstacles and step into another place in your life, just like today — graduation. It was possibly a coincidence that graduation and the emotional experience had some sort of parallelism to it. It all connected perfectly, like two pieces of a puzzle that connected to make one big picture.
I walked by your room even though I absent-mindedly forgot that it was your room, and out you appear by the doorway. By your parent’s room, you whispered to me, calling my name through your lips asking me to come forward to you. You reached out your hand, palms up. Hesitant as I was because of possibly getting caught though I didn’t know what was going to happen as your hand reached out for mine, I let my hand reached out for yours as if it has been longing to be held for a very long time.
You pulled me into your room, and yet I still wasn’t scared. I quickly look at your face, the face I would never forget and then I laid on your bed on my right side facing your colored wall that I had complimented plenty of times. I didn’t know what I was doing in your room, why was I there anyway or what you wanted to say. I laid there for moments and that’s when you decided to lay right next to me. I felt something; not sexual vibes, but good vibes. Vibes that felt the same; just as we were always together, felt as if we were never apart — like the feeling of playing a piano for the first time in seven years, like you never stopped playing from the beginning. And there, you laid right next to me, on your side facing the back of my head. You didn’t touch me, but I could feel that you wanted to put your arm on my waist like you had a million times before.
You faced the back of my head since there was no way to look at my face though I was dumbfounded since I pondered to myself thinking why the hell am I even in your room. You spoke quietly to me as if you didn’t want to hurt me no more as much as you already have and you spoke quietly to me as if you were looking right into my eyes, eyes you probably haven’t seen for more than half a year. And so you began: “Jackie, I’m sorry ..” The very moment you said that, tears from my eyes started to shed. It was like an automatic reflex when I heard those words pass through your lips. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to hear you say that. But I don’t let you know that I’m quietly crying to myself. As much as I wanted to turn to you right then and there, I couldn’t. I quickly let the tears roll off my cheeks onto your bedsheets and slowly, but surely I turned back to my left side to face you. You slowly smile and caress my face with your hands that I was once so familiar with, but now have been lost. I started to let you speak again, and as you parted your lips to begin again, everything just disappeared instantly. You, me, the room, everything. It just disappeared.
And there I was laying in bed, awakened by my alarm to get ready for class. Awakened by what is my reality and what was just a dream.
