II

If you were going to die at midnight, what would you be doing at 11:45pm?

I really believe that when you know when you're going to die, courage grows within. But it sucks to know that when you're faced with something you're scared of, like the time of your death, you're able to do what you want to do. And you do it because you know that it wouldn't matter anymore. No one's going to judge you. But the downside is, why do we do the things we're scared of when there's no time left? Why not do it when there is time left?

And that leaves me what would I do at 11:45pm if I knew I was going to die at midnight. Many people would do adventurous things within that last 15 minutes, or not. I would call those who are/were important in my life and spill my thoughts to them. I know the whole vulnerability issue is a big thing for me, but knowing that time is running out on me, I can be able to just say what the heck I wanted to say to the individual for the longest time. You don't even know me for me to open up my vulnerability side to you. But what's the point now when time's running out on me? I've been holding out and this will be the time that I can just lay out the cards. I mean, I wouldn't care what they'll think of me anyway since I'll be dead. And that's what's holding me back: what others think about me. I know, I know, I should brush it off. But that's the thing, who doesn't think about what other's think about you?

I would call up the most people who are and were in my life and just talk about our relationship. The things that I've been holding back from him/her. I wouldn't care if it's bad thoughts or good thoughts. I just need it to be out there, so I can finally die in peace.